Blogs, Emotional Freedom, Featured

How do we Learn Negative Self-talk

Many of us have heard that we are our own worst enemies. While we want to do and be the best, many times we fall short of our expectations. Many times we feel inadequate, yet we receive feedback from others who don’t perceive us as inadequate at all.

The reason we focus on our shortcomings is because of the negative messages we continually tell ourselves: you’re dumb, you’re lazy, you’re a troublemaker, you’re wrong, it’s your fault. Our lists can go on and on.

What is interesting about these messages is that we have been taught and trained to believe them—yet they are all lies. All messages that we are naturally born with are always honoring and respectful, yet we have been taught to believe these lies to the point we attempt to prove their validity every day.

Children are taught these messages directly and indirectly at a very young age by being told they  are bad, dumb, lazy, etc. Many people find it difficult to recognize where these messages come from because they may not have been directly spoken. Some of these messages may have developed from a glance, glare, or cold shoulder given that children interpreted in a negative way because they had no information that told them differently. As children grew, they took these messages on and believed them because they were coming in some fashion from the most important and intelligent people in the children’s lives: their parents and caregivers.

Many people find it difficult to believe that these messages are not true, which makes their path to recovery more difficult. These messages undermine opportunities to create positive change because they have been integrated into their lives to the point these are the only messages people can hear and know. When given the opportunity to hear and receive the true messages and positive qualities they possess, they tend to ignore and justify why these positive messages and qualities do not exist in them.

When a person is ready to work through these negative messages, it requires self-reflection and opportunities to explore the underlying feelings that get reinforced when they buy into the messages. When people can recognize the feelings, they can begin to work with those feelings to help the negative messages lose their power. This allows the underlying truthful messages to become more apparent.

Past Workshops, Workshops

Financial Therapy Workshop

Financial Therapy Workshop
Sponsored by: Living True, Inc.
Presented by Dave Jetson

This 4 1/2-day workshop is to work at an intuitive emotional level to gain new insights into the patterns that have shaped your thoughts, beliefs and self-worth around finances. This workshop will shed light on how financial patterns and beliefs may be negatively impacting personal and work relationships.  There will be real money exercises associated with this workshop that requires a minimum of $20.00 that each person is willing to part with.  This workshop will help:

Explore the emotions behind your financial decisions
Explore your money triggers
learn about family / relationship dynamics around money
Explore generational patterns around money and finances
Create balanced self-care around money and finances
Explore how your relationship with money and finances can negatively impact relationships and clients
Identify your underlying beliefs and feelings around money
Explore the differences between Financial Self-Worth, Financial Net-Worth and Financial Self-Esteem
Create balanced self care around money and finances
Explore how your self-worth impacts the way you Save/Spend money
Explore the relationship of Shopping with Financial Self-Worth
Explore your relationship with money
Recognize and label self-defeating patterns in your relationships around money
Explore your emotional obstacles to financial freedom
Explore addictive patterns associated with money and finances
Explore codependency and cultural patterns around money and finances

This workshop will benefit anyone that is uncomfortable with the way they feel around money and finances. The workshop will shed light on issues and options to help you feel more comfortable and confident with money and finances.

Where:        Terra Sancta, Rapid City, SD
View the resort website at: http://terrasancta.org/retreat-center/
When:        Monday, September 25 @ 8:30 am thru
Thursday, September 28, 2017 @ 1:00
Cost:        $2,650.00 includes workshop, food and lodging

Past Workshops, Workshops

Freedom From Negative Self-Talk

Freedom From Negative Self-Talk Workshop
Sponsored by: Living True, Inc.
Presented by Dave Jetson

Every day we struggle with negative self-talk and a negative self-image.  This workshop will:
Explore the origins of the negative messages you tell yourself
Explore the truth around the negative self-talk and how negative messages do not represent the truth
Explore the truth that sets you free from the negative self-talk
Explore how you were taught to believe the negative messages we tell ourself
Explore what the negative self-talk has taken
Explore how the negative self-talk contributes and reinforces the negative self-image
Create emotional freedom from the negative self-talk
Recognize choices you have around the negative self-talk
Explore ways to create more self-trust in your life
Explore the patterns associated with negative self-talk
Explore your beliefs and payoffs around the distorted self

Where:        Terra Sancta, Rapid City http://terrasancta.org/retreat-center/
When:        Friday, September 8 @ 8:30 am thru
Monday, September 11, 2017 @ 4:00 pm
Cost:    $2,450 includes workshop, food and lodging

Blogs, Featured

“You” – it can be dangerous

The word “You” is one many of us use every day in our relationships with others, yet this word alone can be very destructive. When we use the word “You,” most of the time we are blaming the other person for something. Or at least it feels like blame and makes that person defensive. This defensive posture is the catalyst for most arguments and tension in a relationship.

We have been taught to use the word “You” by not taking responsibility for our feelings and actions. Many of us learned at a young age that tension or problems in the family were our fault. As a child, we learned when we deflected blame, it created a release of tension by diverting the attention to someone else. While the word “You” may have served a positive purpose as a child, it creates much stress and destruction in relationships as an adult.

When we use the word “You,” it’s as if we are pointing our finger at the other person and saying, “It’s your fault.” This creates a defensive posture in the other person and then “You” starts to fly in both directions. This defensiveness created by the use of “You” gets both parties to start saying things they do not mean, things that are untrue and hurtful and that they will regret.

Many of us are used to this type of communication and disrespect. We may not like how we feel when the argument ensues, but we do it because this is the way we were taught to communicate, because it is familiar to us. Even though the current way of communicating hurts greatly, communicating in a different fashion can be scary enough that we don’t try to change.

It makes logical sense that if we are hurting ourselves and others, we need to do something different. If our logic were in control, our behaviors would quickly change to make the situation safer and more respectful. Yet feelings, rather than logic, drive these arguments. As long as we talk about the “he-said she-said facts,” no one is heard. In the argument, a portion of the issue may get temporarily resolved until the next argument triggers the underlying feelings again. This gives rise to the same argument and pain over again. Even when people are ready to change this “You” communication pattern, changing takes conscious effort.

When we talk from the “You,” we are communicating from a position of wanting to be heard. We explain all the facts and situations, hoping to be understood, with little or no success. The other person may have heard all the information and can repeat nearly every word, yet the message is not heard. To actually be heard requires the other person to be able and willing to listen rather than determine ways to respond to what is being shared. To listen means we do not have to defend ourselves or figure out ways to fix the problem, it means we just listen and only ask for clarification as needed, while interjecting nothing.

To create a situation where we can be heard requires us to get rid of the “You.” This can keep the other person from getting into a defensive posture. Rather than communicating from “You,” we communicate from “I” to help limit defensiveness. Taking it a step further, we talk about our feelings from the “I” position, since the energy that needs to be heard and worked through is our feelings.

Communicating from “I” takes time, practice and encouragement. When we are able to develop this new format of communicating, many things change in a positive fashion.

Blogs, Featured

How Family Patterns can contribute to Anxiety

Have you ever noticed where you keep tension in your body? Is it in your neck, shoulders, jaw or stomach? Based upon questioning and observations, there actually is a correlation between the family role and anxiety that gets stored in your body as tension. Roles we play in the family include the “Hero”, “Scapegoat”, “Lost Child” and the “Family Mascot”.

The hero tends to be the first born and is the responsible child. They are known for carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. They typically are the family organizers and caretakers. When asked, they typically indicate that it feels as though they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. They hold much stress in their shoulders and many times their neck as well. Many seek medical help for their neck problems and are told nothing is wrong.

The scapegoat is the child that is picked on or blamed for many issues in the family. They tend to be the truth teller and receive resistance for it. The scapegoat tends to hold some of their anxiety in their stomach. When asked they talk about feeling alone, rejected, not wanted and some have indicated if feels as though they are being punched in the stomach emotionally. In describing the tension, they typically talk about having a knot or a hole in their stomach. Many seek medical attention and can get diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

The lost child tends to be the quietest family member. They are typically seen as good and do not require the attention the scapegoat gets. Because they are seen in this fashion, they tend to get ignored. The lost child tends to hold their anxiety in their jaw. They are known to clinch their jaw, grind their teeth and even develop TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder). The tension can sometimes go down the throat or even in the chest.

The family mascot is the one that has learned the importance of entertaining the rest of the family. Since there is a lot of responsibility to entertain, the family mascot tends to hold much anxiety in their shoulders, again because they feel they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. They also tend to hold much anxiety in their stomach.

While the family roles are typically created by birth order, situations in the family can cause the order to change. Sometimes people can also present more than one family role, once again due to family circumstance.

Each family role is created to have a unique way of getting attention in the family. When a person continues to play out that role, they tend to feel inadequate and not good enough, which creates the anxiety. When we do not work through the anxiety, it gets stored as energy in the body to create the symptoms discussed.

To get relief for the physical symptoms the medical community has a number of recommendations. To get relief from the anxiety requires the exploration of the anxiety, and working through it to let it go. Part of that process may include journaling about feelings, scribbling and meditation. Recognizing what is being stuffed and where it originated is important in the letting go process to reduce the anxiety. When we recognize what is being stuffed, honoring our self by actually feeling those stuffed feelings creates the necessary relief to reduce the tension.

Which role do you identify with?

Past Workshops, Workshops

This 4-day workshop will work at an intuitive emotional level to gain new insights into the patterns that have shaped lonely and codependent behaviors. This workshop could help:

  • Learn more about family/relationship dynamics and how these dynamics have created codependency and loneliness.
  • Learn how we were taught and teach others to be codependent while  in the process creating loneliness.
  • Explore generational patterns and the need to take care of others
  • Create balanced self care
  • Identify underlying beliefs and feelings around caretaking
  • Learn to build/create trust
  • Recognize and label self-defeating codependent patterns
  • Gain insight understanding around codependency and loneliness
  • Recognize how religious behaviors can embrace codependency
  • Explore and address loneliness patterns
  • Explore how sexual abuse can create patterns of codependency and loneliness
  • Understand codependency and loneliness patterns in relationships and addictions
  • Recognize self worth, self esteem, loneliness and codependent patterns
  • Practice establishing and maintaining boundaries in relationships around codependent patterns.

Where: Terra Sancta, Rapid City
When: Friday, May 5 @ 8:30 am thru Monday, May 8, 2017 @ 4:00 pm
Cost: $2,450 includes workshop, food and lodging
Pre-registration with deposit of $1,225.00 is required due to limited space. Contact Jetson Counseling @ (605) 718-5500 to register. Deposit is non-refundable after April 21, 2017

Emotional Freedom

Live Honestly – Without Codependency

Codependency, which grows out of hiding our feelings, makes it impossible to live honestly. An essential part of recovery is learning to be honest with ourselves about our own negative messages, our own painful memories, and our own feelings by taking ownership of our emotional truth.

While this honesty may initially be painful, it’s important to recognize that it is not what people sometimes call being “brutally honest.” That kind of “honesty” happens when someone is being both cruel and emotionally dishonest. When true feelings are being honored, there is no brutality or disrespect to anyone.

When we can be true to ourselves and take ownership of our lives rather than blame other people or things, we have no need to lie to others. The truth is always respectful of ourselves, others, our feelings, and things around us. It allows us to be more creative, see more options in our lives, accomplish more, and enjoy life more fully. It frees us to discover our many positive qualities and enjoy living as our true selves.

When we are able to embrace our emotional truth, it sets us free.

Uncategorized

Most of us attempt to be as honest as possible in our daily lives, yet there is a part of us that creates a need to withhold, distort, and manipulate information or even lie outright. While it may not be our intention to do so, the urge to hide the truth is so great that these patterns of deceit prevail.

We were taught at a young age to lie when we were taught to hide our feelings. One way we were taught to hide our feelings was through bribery, such as, “If you stop crying I will give you ____.” We may have also been taught to hide our feelings because it was safer to hold our feelings in than to reap the wrath of a parent; for example, “If you’re going to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about.” We may even have been nagged into hiding our feelings with a glance, glare or a sincere message such as, “Please stop crying.” Whatever way we were taught, the outcome is the same—lying about our true feelings.

As children, we may have benefited from lying about our feelings. The question now is, “How does this behavior help us today?” It helps by not allowing another person to really get to know us, or for us to truly know ourselves. It also allows us to remain in what is familiar; it does not require us to change. When we lie, we typically get some type of immediate reward, such as shifting the focus off ourselves. Many of us have learned to lie as a way to protect and defend ourselves. What we need to examine is how this behavior is helping or hindering us today.

Hiding our true feelings by lying keeps us stuck and trapped. Many of us feel and believe we are trapped and without options. When we commit to hiding our true feelings, we are unable to recognize all the options that we may actually have. In every situation there are at least three options, and usually there are more than three. When we hide our true feelings, we typically are able to see one or maybe two options. Without someone’s assistance, we very rarely are able to see three or more options. The lack of options helps create loneliness, and the trapped feelings leave us with no clear solutions.

While most of us desire to be open and honest with our feelings, we do not know how because we have been trained to do just the opposite. When we are ready to move forward, the opportunity is within us. When we just listen to what our bodies are trying to tell us, we can gain clarity on what we are truly feeling. When we connect with our true feelings, feel them, and express them in a straight healthy way, we get freedom. Our bodies also become more congruent with our words and actions. When we connect with the congruence, we develop integrity in this area of our life and no longer have a need to lie.

Emotional Freedom

Resolutions

Every year all over the world people use the first day of January as a n opportunity to make a fresh start… and every year a percentage of those people have given up on their “resolutions” by February.

Why? Because often people feel they should make certain changes in their lives. They feel they should lose weight, they should save more money, they should spend their time differently. These are often the people for whom resolutions simply do not work. An attempt may be made and does not last because they are not emotionally ready to do the work required of such change.

The truth is, resolutions are really only valuable for those who are emotionally motivated and really want to commit to making a change in their lives. These people are truly ready to commit to the deep work that is necessary because they are physically, intellectually and emotionally connected tothe commitment. They have genuine enthusiasm about doing the work. What emotionally motivates us is what energizes us, and it is what keeps us going two months in and longer.

We’re taught to do the things we need to do, which can bring a lot of guilt and shame that prevents change. If you want to be ready to make the change, if you want be be emotionally motivated and enthusiastic about it, get real with where you’re at emotionally.

When you try to force yourself to do something, it tends not to work or work as well as you might like. Acknowledge how you really feel about it, about your life, about yourself. If you find yourself stuck in a certain area, try to embrace, feel and understand the stuck-ness as a way of motivating a more natural change.

Whether or when you make a “resolution” or commitment to yourself is the same throughout the year, and while resolutions can be useful motivational tools, they generally only work when you are in the right place emotionally. So, take the time to connect to your own true feelings. Then, when you are truly ready, your “resolution” will stick because the motivation will be pure, rather than driven by guilt and shame.

Emotional Freedom

Anxiety and Family Patterns

Have you ever noticed where you keep tension in your body? Is it in your neck, shoulders, jaw or stomach? Based upon questioning and observations, there actually is a correlation between the family role and anxiety that gets stored in your body as tension. Roles we play in the family include the “Hero”, “Scapegoat”, “Lost Child” and the “Family Mascot”.

The hero tends to be the first born and is the responsible child. They are known for carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. They typically are the family organizers and caretakers. When asked, they typically indicate that it feels as though they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. They hold much stress in their shoulders and many times their neck as well. Many seek medical help for their neck problems and are told nothing is wrong.

The scapegoat is the child that is picked on or blamed for many issues in the family. They tend to be the truth teller and receive resistance for it. The scapegoat tends to hold some of their anxiety in their stomach. When asked they talk about feeling alone, rejected, not wanted and some have indicated if feels as though they are being punched in the stomach emotionally. In describing the tension, they typically talk about having a knot or a hole in their stomach. Many seek medical attention and can get diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

The lost child tends to be the quietest family member. They are typically seen as good and do not require the attention the scapegoat gets. Because they are seen in this fashion, they tend to get ignored. The lost child tends to hold their anxiety in their jaw. They are known to clinch their jaw, grind their teeth and even develop TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder). The tension can sometimes go down the throat or even in the chest.

The family mascot is the one that has learned the importance of entertaining the rest of the family. Since there is a lot of responsibility to entertain, the family mascot tends to hold much anxiety in their shoulders, again because they feel they have the weight of the world on their shoulders. They also tend to hold much anxiety in their stomach.

While the family roles are typically created by birth order, situations in the family can cause the order to change. Sometimes people can also present more than one family role, once again due to family circumstance.

Each family role is created to have a unique way of getting attention in the family. When a person continues to play out that role, they tend to feel inadequate and not good enough, which creates the anxiety. When we do not work through the anxiety, it gets stored as energy in the body to create the symptoms discussed.

To get relief for the physical symptoms the medical community has a number of recommendations. To get relief from the anxiety requires the exploration of the anxiety, and working through it to let it go. Part of that process may include journaling about feelings, scribbling and meditation. Recognizing what is being stuffed and where it originated is important in the letting go process to reduce the anxiety. When we recognize what is being stuffed, honoring our self by actually feeling those stuffed feelings creates the necessary relief to reduce the tension.

Which role do you identify with?